by Lauren Huyser

I am an arrogant fool. I naturally think I am right in everything I say and do. I stay silent when I do not want to respond. I lash out in anger and contempt when circumstances don’t go my way. I am an arrogant fool. My pride and instantaneous reactions cause others pain and sadness. I reject those who try to do something nice for me. And when they don’t do what I expect them to, I give them a treatment that would be considered torture when scaled correctly. I am an arrogant fool. Those who need me cannot fully depend on me because I am unpredictable. In one moment I can twist something so innocent and kind into something so damaged and unappreciated. My specialty is disapproving of all that crosses my path and mustering all that I can that will bring me happiness. I am an arrogant fool. I do not consider the feelings of others until it is too late. I am not appreciative of what I have, who loves me, or of how precious life is. I am an arrogant fool…and I need God. I mock and ridicule. I suffocate the simplicity from things.

Everything inside of me burns like scorching fire. Calamity builds up and spews off my tongue and darkens my eyes. People get angry because I don’t try.

I want to.

I need God.

I need to appreciate more. I need to love more. I need to give praise and thanks more. I need to have more faith. I need to see others more. I need to trust that things won’t always go my way. I need to realize that I am my own worst enemy.

God please help me, this wretched sinner that I am.